I’ve paid for sex & I’m not ashamed of it anymore

Disclaimer: this article is NOT endorsing men (and cis-people) to harass or solicit sex workers for their services. This article is also not condoning men (& cis people) who do solicit sex workers for their services. This is a recollection my experiences with sex workers. This article is also not fan-fiction or erotica and is not intended to be so. Enjoy this article.*

I’m also now in a committed relationship with a trans-woman; The rest of the details about her aren’t important since most of what I’m about to tell you will be well before I was with her. Well before I was anyone that wasn’t a sex worker, well before I got out of the military. That’s right folks, I was with a sex worker when I was in the military. Sexually, not romantically. Romantically my first love was in high school, the most sweet and innocent relationship I ever had.

I remember at one point my first love interest in high school said “you’re not getting into my pants,” And my first thought was “Why would I want your pants?” I was just happy that someone connected with me on an emotional level. And an intellectual level, but mostly an emotional level. You see folks, when a cis-man grows up as a boy he doesn’t get a lot of love and affection. If he’s lucky he gets left alone, if he’s even a little bit defiant he gets beaten into submission. I mean that in every sense of the term. This I think is where a lot of men get their fetish for getting pegged, either by other men or by a woman. No shame in that (no kink shaming in general), you do you dude. As long as the people involved can consent: socially, legally, physically, and verbally you’re ok by me.

You never wondered why cis men are always so sexually frustrated? We’re basically sperm shooters for the patriarchy. Sperm snipers if you will, some better than others (I’m still a cis man so I see you dudes pissing into the bullseye all the time). This is why very religious cis-hetero normative women can pick out any suitor that meets their ridiculous expectations; So long as the man is willing to submit to the religion of her choosing. And men I have to be honest with y’all, I submitted to the faith that my partner has been practicing for their whole life. I mean why wouldn’t I? It’s important to her, and what religion I practice is of very little concern to me.

So long as she doesn’t try to change the essence of who I am as a person, I’m willing to do just about anything for her. Including never having to pay another sex worker for my sexual needs ever again. Why would I? The sex with my partner is amazing, she’s amazing. She fulfills my emotional and my needs for non-sexual intimacy, I’m literally set.

I hate dating, I hate dating apps. I hate having to pretend like dating apps aren’t just a giant sausage fest & a meat market for people to gaze at. I hate the realization that a relationship won’t work out; That one of us is just dragging the inevitable heart wrenching breakup. I hate dating most cis-women, some of y’all are just as mean & cold as the cis-men you claim to hate so much.

Stop pretending that most of the population LIKES being single, if that were the case we wouldn’t have most of the problems in our cultures that we do now. Stop pretending that all arranged marriages are bad, if the two people are adults (I’m using the United States legal defintion of adult BTW) & it’s important to both of them to get married through their culture; Then who gives a flying fuck if their parents negotiated the marriage. I don’t, that’s for sure. Their lives, not mine. Their culture, not mine. They’ll probably have better sex than you’re having with a toy or your hand tonight.

And stop pretending that sex workers are the same as trafficked individuals. There is a difference, you know what the difference is too. And it’s CONSENT. A trafficked individual cannot CONSENT to the work they’re asked to do; They just can’t. The moment someone is put into bondage, even debt bondage, there is a severe loss of freedom in that individual. Whether you’re forced to have sex with men, or you’re a boy forced to work in a factory for a capitalist machine that demands more product. You’ve been dehumanized, and the people who refuse to say this out loud; They are the real cowards.

I’m not trying to shame anyone who thinks it’s morally wrong to be with a sex worker, physically or emotionally. You have your own culture and personal philosophy that is not mine. I didn’t rape anyone, I paid someone for a service and I left after that service was completed. I was young and I was REALLY horny. Some sex worker saw that, asked me if I’d pay for a service and I did.

Maybe who I’m with sexually and emotionally will bother you if you’re reading this, and that’s fine. But it’s my life, I’m not trying to hurt anyone and I now found someone I can do these things safely with. It’s a risk to pay for sex, but it’s an even greater risk to accept that you’re letting someone have sex with you. It’s why a lot of sex work is going online, hell I’d do it if so many of the larger American community weren’t going to try to dox and harass me for it. And a lot of you would just because you could, I’ve seen you do it to a lot of sex workers in my day. In real life and online.

Because a lot of you men that pay for sex work, shame the workers who provide it to you. You have these attitudes that sex work should be free? Why? Didn’t you pay to go out on those dates before you married your partner? Didn’t you give up SOMETHING about what you envisioned bachelor life to be, to be with someone you love deeply: sexually and emotionally?

I realized a truth, you hate how cold it feels to pay for sex work and you’re ashamed of it. You’ve been fed these lies that sex work is degrading & dehumanizing ; Well guess what, that sex worker I paid on a military deployment is probably dead now. All for the crime of not living in the right country, not doing the “right job” & being in the wrong place at the wrong time. This is the fear sex workers have everywhere that most johns don’t understand. In the USA you might get arrested, pay some fines, do some time, maybe even get shamed and ridiculed by your friends & family. But you’ll probably still be alive, won’t you. That kind sex worker who saw an overly horny young man, that probably took pity on me, she’s probably dead.

One of the lies the patriarchy feeds us, is related to sex work. That it dehumanizes sex workers, when it reality it dehumanizes men. It makes them into not men, but consumers of sex work. These things, these beasts that do nothing but consume and demand more and more product. They in turn are the ones that dehumanize the producers, the sex workers. And you buy the lie that it’s the sex workers who should be ashamed. You eat it up, just like the men did.

I’m not asking you to go out and thank sex workers, you can go about your day thinking whatever you want of them and the men who pay them. I just ask that you leave them alone. Just leave them alone. If you’re not going to pay for their services, just leave them alone. If you don’t ever want to know about them then leave, go somewhere else. You can safely ignore them, somewhere else. If I know that you find it abhorrent, I won’t bring it up in your presence. We all deserve basic decency and respect from other humans, and that starts by NOT killing sex workers; Or really just not killing other humans.

Many in the line of sex work, they don’t want to be in this. They’re either trying to make ends meet, go through college/graduate school, feed some babies, or just make it to tomorrow. Some of them might like sex work; They’ve done all the research necessary to be as safe as possible, including asking their john TO PUT ON A FUCKING CONDOM. Look condom sex, lowkey sucks, but having sex is a risk. And if you’re not willing to accept that risk, if the person you had sex with gets pregnant & you refuse responsibility; then you are a scumbag to me personally. At least I put on the condom.

Maybe the Catholic Church isn’t gonna like what I did, but better they be mad than another child be born into hell. Women, on a large part, they know what the risk is. If they choose to become pregnant, they CHOSE to become pregnant; Unless they’re raped. They know their body better than anyone with a penis ever could. And those with a penis are gonna have to start remembering that more often.

When you ask for children from your wife and she says NO, respect that NO. When a man rapes a woman, he is not only causing severe trauma, he is taking away the very freedom and choice that victim once had to her body. That is the true crime of a rapist, they didn’t think of the consequences of their actions. They forced their needs and wants onto another, and left the victim feeling empty and alone. Rapists perform the lowest form of thievery known to man, and they’re too STUPID to even see it.

I actually went back and read my whole article to make sure I said exactly what I wanted to say to. And I did, and I meant every word. And I mean the following words to anyone who still thinks I’m kidding:

Stop killing sex workers, just leave them alone. Stop raping women AND children, just leave them alone. Stop forcing women and boys into bondage for your own selfish capitalist need, just leave them alone. If you don’t respect these people, just leave them ALONE. They DON’T care if you think your penis is big, NO ONE CARES IF IT IS. JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE.