The Covid Pandemic Was the Worst & the Best Thing to Ever Happen to Me

Another stock photo from a google search

Disclaimer: This isn’t to disparage the countless deaths that happened during the pandemic or the severe dip in mental health during this time. This is just my experience during the pandemic as someone who lives in a city, in Texas. I’ve had people I know people who died from this disease, I had it twice (once after the series of shots, and the booster shot). And I was frustrated with family & friends who did not take this seriously at the beginning of the pandemic, and even now.

I had a lot of mental health issues come up during the pandemic; some that I’m probably realizing even as you read this. But I at least know I have something now, no official diagnosis for what I have except for persistent depressive disorder. But I know there’s more to this than just a diagnosis of “yeah you’re just always sad”, or “yeah you have a lot of nervous energy to you”. Because I know the field of psychology is still trying to get its footing together compared to the other social sciences. And I know, I know that for me it’s better to know the things I’m up against than not know what I’m up against in the long run.

I cut out a lot of toxic people in my life, even family members; and I honestly don’t feel any remorse for doing so. I also gained a lot of friends, I started to be vocal but also temper my voice so it doesn’t sound so angry all the time. I discovered myself in so many ways; including but not limited to gender identity, how strong my body actually is (without having to work out), and even more about my personal politics, and my sexuality.

Recently I started making boundaries for myself and others online; it honestly was the BEST decision for my mental health. I stopped caring about what academics think of me personally; the second best thing I could think would be best for my mental health. I paid off some debts and even got closer to certain family members

And I learned how to tarot read, on my own I might add

A lot of people were lost to Covid-19, but like I’ve told people before “if I die, well…I die.” If you lost someone to the pandemic, either physically or in another capacity I really am sorry. If you’re worried about family and friends in war zones, I’m also sorry about that.

But I already had lost a lot before the pandemic began, I already had the thought “I’m gonna die…I’m gonna die today.” So you’ll excuse me if the best I can have for you and yours…is sympathy, and not really empathy anymore.

Not like y’all cared about my dead friends and relatives when they died.

Unlisted

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E. I. D. Esqueda

E. I. D. Esqueda

Writer/poet for hire and fighting game enthusiast. I’m a neurodivergent queer who is also a military veteran. I write about politics & culture sometimes.